Ghost in the office

Prior to joining a new company, this guy A was working at boat quay area. In those tall building offices like UOB and such. His office was quite high up the level at least 30 and above. Normally he will have to stay back for OT and in the evening, all the lifts will be stopped due to security reasons. Whenever he wanted to leave, he will need to call the old security uncle to activate the lift from ground floor to his level. Then the uncle will send the lift up.

After sometime, he left the company and joined another place where his office also very high up in the building. Hence if do OT, also need to call uncle to send lift up. Then it came the day that he's working OT for the first time at the new place. He stayed back till 12 plus am and When he's about to leave, he called the security uncle to send the lift up. After packing up he went to the lobby to wait for the lift. He waited and waited. 10 mins passed, Lift not up. He waited for another 10 mins and call the security uncle. S denotes security here.

A: Hello Uncle ah, have you send the lift up?

S: Yeah sent liao.

A: No leh I been waiting for 20 mins liao leh

S: No meh? okie okie I send again.

Another 5 minutes went by. No lift came up. The guy got worried. He's the last person to leave and there's no one around. He called the uncle on his handphone again.

A: Er... Uncle ah, you sure you sent the lift up?

S: Yeah I sent it up twice liao leh.

A: But I saw the lifts all on the first floor leh!

S: Aiyoh. Nevermind. I take the lift up and look for you. Again,

A waited. 5 minutes passed but none of the lift are moving. Then suddenly, his hp ring. The uncle voice was on the other side of the line sounding very weird.

S: Where are you? I am here. But I cannot find you.

All this while A was staring at the display of the lifts. All at level 1..... and the uncle is here.... shit something is not right. A straight away chiong to the stairs and dashed down the building... When he reached ground level, he chiong to the security counter and he found out that..............

He had actually called the old security uncle in the building of his ex- company and not the security uncle of his new office -_- He work till siao liao and was damn blur. Feeling very pai seh, he also never call back to explain to the security uncle from the building of his ex- company. Blur cock and poor uncle. He must be the one who actually freaked out going all the way up and saw no one there hahaha

Moral of the story - dun work OT lah!!

Tales from the Court

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something youforgot?

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you thatmorning?

WITNESS: He s aid, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year- old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, is that correct?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a differentattorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a depositionnotice, which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on deadpeople?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you liketo rephrase that?

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh.....are you qualified to ask that question?

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you goto?

WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing anautopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in hissleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

--- And the best for last: ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for apulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when youbegan the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law NOW --> that's hurt man!! haha

p/s: I can still smile even i've read this for so many times..Don't u think so?ahaha.

Hasrat Sang Suami

Seorang suami sedang mencari-cari helah untuk membolehkan dia berkahwin lagi. Antara alasan yang diberikannya:

Suami : Lelaki kawin 3 baru lah sah

Isteri : Kenapa pula?

Suami : Cuba terjemahkan ke dalam Bahasa Inggeris, "satu" is one, "dua" is two, "tiga" isteri (is three). Baru betul dan sah!.

Isteri : Tapi abang kena faham Bahasa Inggeris, terutama tentang "singular" dan "plural"

Suami : Berkenaan apa tu?

Isteri : Satu tu "Singular"; dua atau lebih "Plural"

Suami : Contohnya?

Isteri : One car sebagai singular, two cars sebagai plural. Apa bezanya?

Suami : Ohhh... tambah huruf "s" untuk yang plural

Isteri : Betul tu. Sama juga la untuk abang

Suami : Macam mana pula boleh sama?

Isteri : Satu isteri abang MAMPU , jika dua isteri dah jadi plural, Maka abang MAMPUS tambah "s" je, kan?

Lepas daripada tu, si-suami tidak pernah lagi berceritakan hasratnya untuk berkahwin lagi...

p/s: ahaa..hambik ko! yelah tu tak berani!